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Front Page » October 18, 2011 » Opinion » Home Country by Slim Randles
Published 1,079 days ago

Home Country by Slim Randles


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Marvin Pincus, (since his honorary degree, now being called Associate Pincus), turned the lights on his fly-tying bench, coming to focus on the small vice where love issues would be solved.

Dewey Decker, obviously nervous despite sitting in the comfortable green chair, was sipping some coffee.

"OK, Dewey, I'm ready. What seems to be the trouble?"

"I'm in love, Marvin. Really in love for the first time in my life. I can't help it. I really can't."

"Whoa there," Marvin said to the valley king of fertilizer products. "You haven't been backsliding on that thing we discussed last time, have you?"

"You mean the showers? No sir. Been taking them before I ask a girl out. It's not that, Marvin, it's just this woman's so perfect and she doesn't know I'm alive."

"In this valley? That's pretty hard to do. Who is she?"

Dewey fidgeted and then whispered, "Emily Stickles."

"Emily... Stickles? You mean the same Miz Stickles that tried to get my counseling service stopped?"

Dewey nodded. "I can't help it, Marvin. Honest."

"Well," said the older man, "she is awfully easy on the eyes."

"And her cheekbones, Marvin. Did you see them? And the kind look in her eyes? And the way she ..."

"Got it. OK now. So why haven't you asked her out?"

"She'd never go out with me..."

"Faint heart ne'er won fair lady, Mr. Decker. You need to dress your best, go right up to her and introduce yourself, tell her who you are and what you do, and ask her out. Now, I'd do it in daylight. Go for coffee. You know, so she doesn't think you're stalking her."

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely. And, to emphasize the point, I'm going to tie you up an attractant fly on a number two streamer hook. You will look at this every day, reminding yourself to preen and look your best, take showers, and just cowboy up. I think maybe a bivisible with jungle cock eyes."

In mere minutes the fly was securely in Dewey's hands and he was headed home.

"I'll do it," he said. "I'll do it."

He looked. There was no one around. "Maybe next week..."

Brought to you by Slim's new book "A Cowboy's Guide to Growing Up Right." Learn more at http://www.nmsantos.com/Slim/Slim.html.

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