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Front Page » February 1, 2005 » Opinion » Harriet's World
Published 3,460 days ago

Harriet's World


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By HARRIET BISHOP

This month, right after the holidays, I had the misfortune of being ill with the galloping gomboo. Now I know it wasn't the flu because I was able to acquire one of those rare flu shots that are now wasting away in the hospitals because they have too much. My body wouldn't dare get the flu.

Even the flu that isn't covered by the shot would not dare to be brave enough to enter my being. Thus I had the gomboo. That is what I choose to call it. You may use your own word.

You ever notice how when you are sick, some person comes to your house to visit or cheer you up and they are so cheerful it makes you want to throwup. They always come on the day you are feeling the worst. They gush with cheerfulness.

They totally ignore what you say or how you look. You could be sitting there white as a sheet, head hung down between your toes, barely faking a smile, tissue in one hand and medicine in the other and they just keep gushing away. Telling you things about their children. Talking about what a great weekend they had and how Aunt Emmy's uncle Sebastian had a wart on his nose and on and on and on.

All you want to do is yell at the top of your lungs, "Shut up! I don't care what your darling, little Suzy did last Thursday. Get a grip! Didn't you hear what I said to you? I'm dying here. I am not going to make it today. Tomorrow I will be dead. Maybe I will be gone by nightfall or at least be on a stretcher on my way to the hospital, never to return. What is the matter with you? Have you no compassion. Shut up! Leave me alone. Let me die in peace."

However instead you smile weakly and try not to nod to hard so your head won't accidentally fall off. You manage some kind of a grunt in all the right places.

Then not soon enough for you this person, with an overly cheery demeanor, finally departs leaving you ready to abort your plans to poison them.

Now you can retire to your bed and hope against hope that tomorrow you will still be around. Ever have that kind of a person? Bet you have. Bet you know better than me how it feels to have that kind of person in your life.

Now tomorrow comes and wonder against wonders you are still alive and kicking and feeling better. Then the next day comes and things are even better. You could use a visit from some cheery person. How come nobody comes around?

Oh well, I'll bet he or she is off making somebody else's life miserable. It doesn't pay to have the gomboo. Better luck next time.

Incidentally, while you are about it, get a flu shot. It might keep you from getting any of that old flu that is hanging around.

Well, that is my world, until next time remember that infamous quote by Ed Furgol, "My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."


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February 1, 2005
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